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the Tea Tree
::: .:: .:::

cuppa comfort, with a side of support
We're not in this World alone, so why try to struggle through it all alone, eh?

Pull up a chair, a nice cuppa, some (calorie-free) biscuits and have a word. Be it fitness management or relationship woes, sharing the load eases the burden. Together, we'll solve all our problems and be home in time for a candlelit soak and a good read.


January 2011
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lauri [userpic]
A few tiny things since I'm feeling chatty...

So, just wound down Week Two of Operation HGABOD (Hit Gym At Buttcrack O'Dawn) and the verdict is... success.  Well, as long as I don't count Tuesday, which I had to skip due to early morning fieldwork - there just was not enough time that day.  I will hit the gym tomorrow and Sunday to make up for it.  No day off reward this week, but I did let myself go out to lunch one day.  Breakfast for lunch at Friendly's - it was only $5 and I just had eggs and whole wheat toast... ok, and two slices of bacon...

Enough of the fitness chatter, since that is all I talk about these days.  I'm very focused, can you tell?
As rj_lupins_kat  knows, I signed up for eHarmony a month or so ago.  It's been interesting so far, but I haven't 'met' anyone who has really sparked my interest.  Nor have I actually met any of my matches in person - which is not surprising since the bulk of them are from out-of-state.  There is one from my town who was one of my first matches, so we have been emailing the whole time.  He gave me his phone number right New Years and told me to call him if I wanted.  I replied that I am not a big fan of the phone, that it makes me a little uncomfortable, so not to be surprised if I keep it real quick or take my sweet time in actually making the call.  I had planned on calling him last weekend, but time got away from me and before I knew it, it was Sunday late evening and the last thing I wanted to do was have awkward first-chat conversation, so I put it off.  In that time, I hadn't heard from the guy via eHarmony messaging or anything, so I figured whatever.  Then late Tuesday night, he sent me an email which mentioned maybe getting together this weekend and that I could call or email him to let him know if that would be cool.  So, I replied back that it would be fun and that I would call him the next evening to work something out.  Long story short (though it may be too late for that...), I called him at about 6:55 pm, which in my mind is definitely evening, only for him to answer the phone real awkwardly.  The convo went something like this...

"Hi, Brian?" brief pause, "It's Lauri." Another pause... "From..."
"Oh."  Long pause.
"Is it a bad time?"
"Yeah.  I'm still at work."
"Ok. Well you can call me back later or we can just talk some other time."
"Right.  Talk to you later." Click.

I stared at my phone for a moment just in awe of how weird that was.  Then I got annoyed.  This dude knew that I already find phones awkward, then he acts like that when I call... I found that a bit inconsiderate.  I do understand he was at work, but he could have handled that better. He did not have to answer the phone either, especially since I never gave him my number so he would not have recognized it when I called.  I would have been perfectly content to leave a voicemail.  It was just such a strange interaction that definitely left me feeling that I should close that door.  Needless to say, he did not call me back or sent an email, so perhaps he is thinking the same thing.  So weird.

I guess part of the problem with eHarmony and other online dating tools is that you don't get that initial feel for someone - like the pitch of their voice, the way they speak and interact - until after you have been conversing online for a bit.  Perhaps it is just me, but I tend to build this particular person together in my head based on the pics he has posted, questions he asks, answers he gives to my questions... I do it for everyone I talk to that I have not physically met or spoken to on the phone.  Anyway, this guy's voice did not match the pitch I had envisioned.  Nor did the way he acted match what I imagined. 

Oh well.  I have other matches to pursue... And I am not entirely sure that I am ready to physically meet anyone yet.  This whole online dating thing was an experiment, of sorts, to see if I liked it.

I guess I should go back to work since it is almost lunch time and I haven't done a damn thing all morning.  Wait, that's not true.  I did make a few phone calls.


The paranoid person that I am instantly suspects that maybe he had an "audience" nearby*, hence the weird brief responses. Might be totally off the mark, but you'd think he would have been a wee bit friendlier, even if he had to keep the call brief. Bah. Men are weird.

* By audience, possible spouse/significant other?

Ah, a woman of like mind. I was thinking audience, but I didn't (bad me) think of significant other. Ooooh.... excellent point from the paranoia club (of which I am a full-fledged member, thanks).

I was thinking along the lines of 'audience' in front of which he's embarrassed to be doing this? Personally, I like to keep my dating issues private (except those friends with whome I choose to share, obviously ;~) ), but there's also overkill like this guy, and it says he doesn't have that good sort of self-confidence to be himself and pshaw to everyone else.

I thought the same thing about both the being friendlier and the audience nearby, but not the spouse/SO part... though that would totally be my luck. You are so right though - men are weird.

He never did call me back that night, but has since called a few times - we had a very fun game of phone tag - and asked to hang out next Friday. We shall see.

Oh, yes, we are indeed sisters.

Complete agreement on the whole 'not a phone person' with someone I don't know, and would much rather stick to writing for a time until I'm comfortable with them. Got one in the town next door and he's all about 'call me!' and I'm all about 'let's write for a bit.' *sigh* And then there's one in London; I just wish he'd answer the opening message.

Kudos super on your progress! Better than I, though I am being pretty good about the working out - just needing to do some cardio outside fighting with the treadmill. Now, if only I could step away more often from the almond M&Ms...

Back to the dating thing - seriously, he should not have been all touchy. Like you, I understand if he's at work, it's not a good time, but he's the one all 'call me!!!!' and such, and when you do (and yes, 7 is 'evening'), then he should have at least been cordial and simply said, 'I'm at work - would you mind if I called you back later, like around X o'clock?' Or, if he doesn't have caller ID and doesn't have your number, how hard is it to log on and leave you a message, saying, 'I don't have your number - could you leave it or call me back at such and such time'??

Really, now; I swear, that is part of what pisses me off most about men. They're all gung-ho about wanting you to chat with them/meet them, but if a woman is leery about giving out too much info at first, they get all pissy and then don't want to have anything to do with you. It's like all or nothing with them. Makes them such fakes, which in turn makes us more and more apt to totally not trust them and even less likely to be all enthusiastic and open with them at the beginning.

Sorry... /rant. ;~)

Hang in there. Wonder if we did a 'Holiday' style swap with someones over in the UK if we'd fare better?

Alex, I'll take "Jamie Fraser" for a $1,000....

Yet more evidence, eh? ;-)

Exactly! I dislike rushing things like that. It sucks all the fun right out of it. Funny how you just can't win though. What's up with Mr. London? He better get on the ball!

Thanks! I'm trying. Totally bummed out on the gym today - total loss for the day, but I will just hit it harder tomorrow. Anything is better than nothing, just keep that in mind and keep plugging along. Mmm, well, it is my belief that almond M&Ms should be entirely calorie, fat, and carb free... there should be a law or something to that effect!

That was precisely my thought. It could have been over in half the time and much less awkward if he just handled properly. He called last night but I was not in the mood to chat or hear excuses, so I let it go to voicemail. Then today he called again before I bothered to return his call from yesterday. Then we played phone tag - what a torturous game for someone who hates the phone! - and finally spoke about an hour ago. It seems that he is just awkward on the phone, no matter the timing or situation. His voicemails and the conversation today were pretty damn awkward, so I just went with it. He wants to hang out on Friday, but we shall see.

You are so right! Men say that women play mind games, but it is only because we are driven to by men and their games. Like useraunty_kreist said, men are weird. They don't know what they want half the time, so no matter what we do, it's not right.

How fun would that be? I think we are in dire need of a fun adventure like that!

from my past experiences with dating sites, delay in responding is interpreted as not interested by men. go figure.... who's more into instant gratification?
*sigh* hoping that the phone tag has stopped and it's going better

sometimes you need to cut some slack. taking a day off isn't going to be the end of teh world, and might give you a break/boost to keep going at it. bodies need time as well to repair and maintain.

you're making me feel like a slacker ;)

*hugs* i need to get to sleep, work today until 10, then mon start at 8 :P but trying to get caught up on various things in the little remaining time

For real. Men are more complicated than they care to admit... and they say that women are difficult to understand. Ridiculous.

Phone tag stopped at about 9pm on Saturday, thank all that is merciful! Conversation was kept short and sort of awkward, which makes me think he is just as bad with phones as I am.

You are right, of course. I ended up taking Saturday off out of sheer laziness, but it worked out for the best. Class starts again this week, so I will likely work myself into a nice program of two days off per week. With class ending at 9pm on Wednesdays with an hour drive back home, I don't see myself getting up early to hit the gym on Thursdays. That will be my guaranteed day off. Then Wednesdays will be really long days, so I may skip that morning as well, but we will see since I kinda like take Saturdays off. Decisions, decisions ;-)

Sorry! Don't mean to make you feel slackerish... I am just really motivated this time around for some reason. I figured it might help others if I spread my motivation around. That, or really annoy everyone ;-)

*hugs back*

Work sucks. It always gets in the way of the fun stuff.